Syn/Ack

Where I belong

2011-01-28T21:31:00.001-08:00

Normally I don't feel the need to introduce things, especially art/poetry/etc, but I thought that I'd preface this with one sentence.

This is the first single piece of poetry that I've written in over 7 years...

The Phoenix has fled. Her wings a flame with the prayers of the martyrs. Let the ash rain down upon my head. My sackcloth collar chokes me as I beg for mercy. Beautiful wisdom where are you? Brightstar hear me! Have mercy upon me. She has returned and her eyes are set on the triumph of the wicked. Cast me not away from thy sight. Her wings beat with disciplined determination and I can feel her breath. Burn me from the inside out. Purify my wretched soul and teach me to do thy will. Spread your wings and through the prayers of all the saints have mercy upon me and save me. +

14,000 infants (Holy Innocents) slain by Herod in Bethlehem

2010-12-29T21:55:00.000-08:00

As I was reading the "Saints for today" on my iPhone (how spoiled am I??!) A few things began to creep into my tired brain. The first was a question. What if Herod was a ruling power and made this decree today, as in you see this on the front of google.com/news:

14,000 infants slain by Herod in Bethlehem
WorldNewsReport - J.T. Waller - 35 minutes ago
[+] Magi being guided by a star traveling to an unknown destination were held by Herod last Tuesday for questioning. Upon leaving they agreed to return to Herod and reveal the location of an infant King (according to Jewish prophesy). The magi have not been seen since. There has been no known statement issued from Herod's court as of this report. The scene here is unlike anything this reporter has ever seen. This is purely a tragedy of madness. Law enforcement agencies continue to search for the magi.
[+] Youtube.com - Coverage of Bethlehem

I truely can't imagine being a parent during this time. How difficult it would be to remain faithful and trust God. + Lord have mercy.

I can't remember what the second thing was... Probably wasn't important. May God have mercy. + Through the prayers of the 14,000 innocents and the most Holy Theotokos have mercy on us and save us!

THE BEHEADING OF SAINT JOHN THE BAPTIST

2010-08-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

Taken from http://www.westsrbdio.org/prolog/my.html (Select August 29th)

1. THE BEHEADING OF SAINT JOHN THE BAPTIST [ST. MATTHEW 14:1-12]
Herod Antipas, son of the elder Herod, who was the slayer of the children of Bethlehem at the time of the birth of the Lord Jesus, was ruler of Galilee at the time when John the Baptist was preaching. This Herod was married to the daughter of Aretas, an Arabian prince. But Herod, an evil sprout of an evil root, put away his lawful wife and unlawfully took unto himself Herodias as his concubine, the wife of his brother Philip, who was still living. John the Baptist stood up against this lawlessness and strongly denounced Herod who then cast John into prison. At the time of a banquet in his court in Sebastia in Galilee Salome, the daughter of Herodias and Philip, danced before the guests. The drunken Herod was so taken by this dance that he promised Salome that he would give her whatever she asked of him, even though it be half of his kingdom. Being persuaded by her mother, Salome asked for the head of John the Baptist. Herod gave the order and John was beheaded in prison and his head brought to him on a platter. John's disciples took the body of their teacher by night and honorably buried it and Herodias pierced the tongue of John with a needle in many places and buried the head in an unclean place. What later happened to John the Baptist's head can be read on February 24. However, God's punishment quickly befell this group of evil doers. Prince Aretas, in order to cleanse his daughter's honor, attacked Herod with his army and defeated him. The defeated Herod was sentenced by the Roman Caesar, Caligula, to exile at first to Gaul and later to Spain. As exiles, Herod and Herodias lived in poverty and humiliation until the earth opened up and swallowed them. Salome died an evil death on the Sikaris (Sula) river. The death of St. John occurred before the Pascha [Passover] but its celebration on August 29 was established because, on that day, a church which had been built over his grave in Sebastia by Emperor Constantine and Empress Helena was consecrated. In this church the relics of John's disciples, Eliseus and Audius, were also placed.

REFLECTION
If you observe how men die, you would see that the death of a man usually resembles his sin. As it is written: "For all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword" (St. Matthew 26:52). Every sin is a knife and men usually are slain by that sin which they most readily committed. An example of this is given to us by Salome, the foul daughter of Herodias who asked for and received from Herod the head of John the Baptist on a platter. Living in Spain in the town of Lerida [Loredo] with the exiled Herod and Herodias, Salome set out one day across the frozen river Sikaris. The ice broke and she fell into the water up to her neck. Icebergs squeezed around her neck and she wiggled, dancing with her feet in the water as she once danced at the court of Herod. However, she was unable either to raise herself up or to drown until a sharp piece of ice severed her head. The water carried her body away and her head was brought to Herodias on a platter as was the head of John the Baptist at one time. Behold how terrible a death resembles the sin committed.

Suffering and Encouragement

2010-07-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

Lord have mercy on me a sinner.

Reading the The Prologue of Ohrid this morning and one of the Saints that we remember today is The Venerable John the Much-suffering. Here is what The Prologue had to say.

"John was a recluse in St.Anthony's Monastery of the Kiev Caves. For thirty years he was tormented by lustful passions, which he ceaselessly struggled against - until finally he conquered them with God's help, through touching the relics of St.Moses the Ugrian (remembered July 26th). Having conquered impure passions, St.John was infused with an inward heavenly light by which he could see at night as though it were day."

I remember when I first began seeking after Christ, my heart and mind full of zeal and my prayer the same night after night, day after day. Over time I felt as if God had abandoned me or ignored my prayers because he did not remove from me this thing which tormented me. I remember thinking, "God, if you would just remove this one thing from me I will be a better Christian." In my naivety I thought if I could just be free of this, my biggest struggle, I would be whole and could focus on being holy. The obvious flaw in my thinking is that I don't just have one struggle, I have many. Some are more prominent than others, but there are many.

How encouraging it is that the taking away of St.John's impure passions were removed from him not because he overcame them through perfection or by never giving in, but rather through ceaseless struggle.

Reflections - Little Notes

2009-12-07T12:43:00.000-08:00

Forgive me a sinner.

It's absolutely amazing to me how my girls can go from angels to demons in a matter of moments, but then this is not unlike myself when denied my own way. I often talk with my daughters about selfishness and the "I wants". I reference the little girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as an example of the "I wants" and how the little girl is a "bad nut".

Last night a great battle of wills took place in the forest of Pixley (our street). An angel (my daughter) decided that she wanted her way. The fight was short and I of course prevailed. The angel sat weeping in the other room while I let the consequences of her actions take root. I proceeded with the bedtime routine as usual and brought her back in when it was appropriate. In a short while both angels were asleep and I went back downstairs to finish up, relax, etc.

As with most "growing opportunities", I tried to contemplate the evening as I was winding down; thinking through my thoughts, words, and actions. There was nothing out of the ordinary regarding this battle and after some tea and the last half of a movie my wife and I turned in.

In the early morning hours I got up and prepared for work. As I was packing up my gear I noticed a little piece of paper stuffed into the same pocket my wallet goes in. I plucked the paper up and noticed some writing carefully inscribed on it. After moving into some light the word "ZOE :)" appeared in yellow highlighter.

This doesn't happen all the time, but when it does it's truly a blessing. The little note was perfectly placed, not only physically, but timely. I needed that little bit of encouragement to reassure me that I did the right thing.

Thank God for little notes.

Reflections - On being a father

2009-12-01T19:56:00.001-08:00

Forgive me a sinner...

A young man and his family stood praying in the back of a church awaiting the glorious Great Entrance. The man, full of zeal for his new found faith, attempting to church his children, signs himself with the sign of The Cross in an effort to stay with the Liturgy. His wife obviously uncomfortable and unsure of this new experience, stares on trying to make sence of it all.

"May the Lord God remember all of you in His Kingdom, now and ever and unto ages of ages.", the deacon calls. As the procession nears the young man struggles with his children, "get up!" he says with a forced whisper, "stand up!" gritting his teeth. One last effort to force his children to stand aright, he yanks on their arms. The procession passes as it has done for the last 2000+ years. The clergy and people praying for the salvation of the world.

The family is the Domestic Church and all that we do should mirror Christ to the world. It starts in our homes, behind closed doors long before we arrive to participate in the Liturgy.

I recall fighting with my wife, because we were late for church. Angry with one another the entire 20 minute drive and leaving her in the car as I marched in all my "righteous" anger to go stand before the Creator of the universe, the I AM.

Jesus Christ has never forced anyone to follow Him, nor has he "yanked" them by the arm to stand them up in reverance as He passes by. The example of our Lord and Saviour should show us that churching our children is a marathon of peaceful continual correction, not a sprint to turn our kids into monks/nuns, or to appear pious before others.

There was a statement told to me quite frequently when I was first introduced to Christ. "You may be the only bible people ever read." I thought this statement to be somewhat silly at first, but after having children I understand it's meaning more than ever. I am the "Priest" of my household. I "read" the gospel around the clock to my family, not verbally, but by living it out, not by forcing them to stand and pray. I like a deacon, direct my family's attention to help keep them on track. This is my calling as a Christian, as a husband, and as a father.

May God grant me humility, love and patience to fulfill that which he has entrusted to me.

Christ Ascended So We May Ascend

2009-06-07T16:20:00.000-07:00

Forgive me a sinner...

This is an old post and decided to post it finally.

During liturgy today, while praying the kneeling prayers of Pentecost. This seemingly simple, but profound thought popped into my head. Christ did indeed ascend that we ourselves may ascend! Glory to God!

You know it's Lent when...

2009-03-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

... Your 5 year old goes to confession for the first time.

(just had to get this down in case I forgot)

Moving on up...

2009-03-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

Glory to God for all and in all things!
I realize it's been a few since my last post, but I have a good excuse! We've moved! Yes, moving. That fun time when you try to plan ahead and account for all the "stuff" you've gathered/horded over the years since the last move.

The one thing I can say with 100% confidence is... I forgot how much "stuff" we've gathered since the last move. Let's see, looking back I seem to remember us as a family being a little on the "starting out" side. Morgan was maybe a year old and Zoe was about a month or two from being born. Ah yes, that accounts for about 70% of our newly gathered/horded "stuff".

It's interesting how we accumulate things over time. We accumulate things, some we need and some we don't. We accumulate relationships, some we think we need and others we think we could do without. What about the things that we accumulate internally or in our unconscious? Is it possible to inventory our unconscious? I'm not sure, that's why I am asking.

How do the things that live in our unconscious affect our day to day life? Just some thoughts I've been thinking about as of late.

Wow, it got all heavy in here all of a sudden.

So, we moved! We've still got things to put away and we've got things to gather!

So, Here Goes

2009-03-01T22:36:00.000-08:00

The Setup
A dear friend of mine and I were talking today while at a birthday party for my God-sons twin sons. During the course of our conversation he mentions to me that I should journal. I laugh of course because I know the flow of this endeavor. Usually starts with me getting inspired to write about something. Followed by me running out and spending $10/$2o on a new journal. After getting it home I enter the first entry, which is followed up by days of... well... intention. Intention to write, but with very little progress.

So, with that being said. I'm saving money this time and going "virtual" journal.

Lent
With today being the beginning of lent, I figured it a great time to start this journal. I can't say that I'll have a lot to say, but I'll sure try to capture what I can.

What is lent? Well, lent is actually this beautiful time in which we as followers of Christ prepare and journey with our Lord and Savior. This is only my third journey through lent (God willing not my last) and I can tell you that I am always surprised at how I am affected. I remember before our baptism and chrismation, my same dear friend gave me a bit of advice. We were discussing the difficulty of fasting, not only from certain foods, but with our whole being. Fasting with our eyes, our minds, our mouths... He said to me, "If you can't say no to a cheese-burger, what can you say no to?" So true.

Forgiveness
We attended forgiveness vespers tonight and it is the one time during the year when I actually get to see everyone in the parish face to face. There were so many new faces, some joyous, some scared, and some even smiling. Beautiful people beaming with intent. Intention like that in the face of a runner at the beginning of a race set on winning. Mind made up, no changing direction.

Humility
There is one man that I fully enjoy seeing every service. He's and older gentlemen who sometimes walks with a cane. He is humble in stature and joyous in his smiles. The light of Christ shines forth from this man like I've read only in the writings about saints. Thank God for you, servant of God.

Gratefulness
I am so very grateful for my best-friend and wife. She is patient and kind with me when I am not so patient and kind. My children who force me to be better. Last but not least, my spiritual father.

Glory to God in all things!

Activity...

2008-05-17T09:20:00.001-07:00

Or lack there of...

I have been working at my new job for a while and really enjoying it! I have great bosses and a fantastic team of engineers that love to help.

Anyway, I just wanted to check-in and leave you with this for now...

"The devil first attacks us with pleasurable temptation, for he knows that we fall into it easily. And if he finds our will obedient to his, he draws us away from the grace of God which protects us. On account of his great hatred for us, he then requests permission from God to bring upon us bitter temptation, that is, sorrows and hardships, in order to destroy us completely and cause us to fall into despair on account of our many sufferings. If he does not find our will compliant, that is, if we do not fall to the pleasurable temptation, he still brings the second kind of temptation, hoping that through many sorrows he will be able to force us to carry out his evil intent.

For this reason, the Apostle Peter directs us: “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour” (1 Pet. 5:8). God sometimes permits him to do this in order to test His servants, as in the case of Job and the other Saints, in accordance with the Lord’s word to His disciples: “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat” (Lk. 22:31). That is, “Behold, Peter, Satan asked permission to sift all of you, to shake you up with temptations as wheat is shaken up.” Or God allows temptations by means of His withdrawing, as happened to David because of the sin he committed and to the Apostle Peter because of his arrogance. Other times temptations come on account of God’s abandonment, as it happened to Judas and the Jews.

The temptations the saints experience by the permission of God come from the envy of the devil, and are permitted in order that they may manifest saintly righteousness and perfection, and thus shine all the more brightly on account of their victory over their opponent. The temptations which happen by God’s withdrawal occur in order to obstruct and cut off past, present, or future sins. The temptations which happen by God’s abandonment are caused by the sinful life of man and his evil will, and lead one to complete perdition."

An Excerpt from "Concerning Frequent Communion"

by St. Nikodemos the Hagiorite

Source: http://orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/cfc_lordsprayer.aspx

A New Job...

2008-02-10T02:02:00.000-08:00

Yep, I am leaving my current place of workage on the 22nd. My first day at the new job will be Feb. 25th. I am very excited and can't wait to start!

Wisdom

2007-11-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

“It is good to take by violence, not the things that perish, but the Kingdom of Heaven. Haste we then to seize it. Should passion disquiet us, should lust disquiet us, let us do violence to our nature. Let us become more gentle, let us labor a little, that we may rest forever in the promised Kingdom of God." -- St. John Chrysostom

Why it takes so long...

2007-05-30T00:07:00.000-07:00

I felt like I should take a moment to explain why my "blog" seems more like an anti-blog...

I would like to think that I am creative and fairly proficient in turning my thoughts into action, a curse more than a blessing most of the time. However, I find it extremely challenging to formulate my thoughts into posts that have value. Maybe this is due to the nature of my thoughts in general. *ref. towards the end*

The concept seems easy. Dictate your thoughts to the machines that we entrust to translate the complexity of our being into some understandable and seemingly comprehensible capsule containing a specific moment in words. So then, only one logical question remains. And that question is...

Question: Why does it take so long for me to post something?
Answer: Because I have so much junk floating around in my though life, it's amazing I can even get up, take a shower, drive to work and find my way home.