Where I belong

Normally I don't feel the need to introduce things, especially art/poetry/etc, but I thought that I'd preface this with one sentence.

This is the first single piece of poetry that I've written in over 7 years...

The Phoenix has fled. Her wings a flame with the prayers of the martyrs. Let the ash rain down upon my head. My sackcloth collar chokes me as I beg for mercy. Beautiful wisdom where are you? Brightstar hear me! Have mercy upon me. She has returned and her eyes are set on the triumph of the wicked. Cast me not away from thy sight. Her wings beat with disciplined determination and I can feel her breath. Burn me from the inside out. Purify my wretched soul and teach me to do thy will. Spread your wings and through the prayers of all the saints have mercy upon me and save me. +

Suffering and Encouragement

Lord have mercy on me a sinner.

Reading the The Prologue of Ohrid this morning and one of the Saints that we remember today is The Venerable John the Much-suffering. Here is what The Prologue had to say.

"John was a recluse in St.Anthony's Monastery of the Kiev Caves. For thirty years he was tormented by lustful passions, which he ceaselessly struggled against - until finally he conquered them with God's help, through touching the relics of St.Moses the Ugrian (remembered July 26th). Having conquered impure passions, St.John was infused with an inward heavenly light by which he could see at night as though it were day."

I remember when I first began seeking after Christ, my heart and mind full of zeal and my prayer the same night after night, day after day. Over time I felt as if God had abandoned me or ignored my prayers because he did not remove from me this thing which tormented me. I remember thinking, "God, if you would just remove this one thing from me I will be a better Christian." In my naivety I thought if I could just be free of this, my biggest struggle, I would be whole and could focus on being holy. The obvious flaw in my thinking is that I don't just have one struggle, I have many. Some are more prominent than others, but there are many.

How encouraging it is that the taking away of St.John's impure passions were removed from him not because he overcame them through perfection or by never giving in, but rather through ceaseless struggle.

Christ Ascended So We May Ascend

Forgive me a sinner...

This is an old post and decided to post it finally.

During liturgy today, while praying the kneeling prayers of Pentecost. This seemingly simple, but profound thought popped into my head. Christ did indeed ascend that we ourselves may ascend! Glory to God!